


You Know I'm Not One For Praying

by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch



Series: You Know I'm Not One For Praying [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Hand Jobs, M/M, PWP, Post-Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Praying to Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch/pseuds/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is held captive by Amara and starting to lose hope when one of Dean's more unorthodox prayers reaches him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know I'm Not One For Praying

Cas had found himself in a bleak warehouse a few days ago after the showdown between Amara, Lucifer and the Winchesters. A Warehouse. Of all places. If he wouldn’t be so tired, he would laugh about that, mostly because he could just picture Dean smirking at the irony.

He was bound to a wall, both by ropes and magic, and hadn’t bothered to open his eyes for quite a while. Amara was gone for now, off to who knew where. Lucifer had taken residence somewhere deep in their shared mind, leaving Cas the honor to endure whatever Amara had in store for them.

That meant Cas was lucid once again, not calmed by Lucifers hold on his mind. It also meant that he was alone with his thoughts, turning his decision to say yes over and over, analyzing it, slicing all the layers of the multiple reasons for it in fine pieces. He didn’t like what he saw but he could for the life of him not find another solution. Lucifer had been their best bet, maybe still was, and he had been so tired of standing by, watching from afar while Sam and Dean once again sacrificed too much and got too little in return.

No, he didn’t regret his decision, because like so many times before, he was sure that he made it for the right reasons. And that was all they ever had to weigh in when they would be judged, wasn’t it?

But it didn’t mean that Cas had no regrets at all. The biggest one of all was not finding the courage to talk to Dean. Their last encounter had only been seconds long, but that look on his face – Cas would never forget it. Dean had only a small chance to get a message through to him and he didn’t use it to tell him what to do about their mission, he used it just for Cas, to let him know they would save him.

Cas heart warmed at the thought. Dean had never been a man of many words, and he was a soldier who always put the mission – and maybe his brother – before everything else.

But now his concern for Cas had been stronger than his will to win this fight, stronger than his bond with Amara and Cas had felt the strength of Dean’s feelings, maybe for the first time so clearly because there hadn’t been time for Dean’s endless doubts and hang-ups to warp his emotions. Maybe, just maybe, and Cas feared to even think it, if he had talked to Dean in the weeks before his deal with Lucifer … maybe they could have … but no. What would he have said anyway?

 

“Hey Cas, you hear me? Ah well, what a dumb question. Not that you could answer, huh? Anyway, I just wanted to … I don’t know. Tell you to hang in there, okay? I’m so crappy at this. I miss you, we both miss you. And I … listen … of course I’m pissed that you chose to say yes to this asshole, but I want you to know that I get it. Had my fair share of bad decisions, guess you’re aware of that. What I want to say is … don’t think that I have any agenda here. I honestly don’t care anymore if Amara or Lucifer wins – I just want you back. I … need you back. I can’t lose you again, Cas, please.”

Cas throat constricted when he heard Dean's prayer, his heart full to bursting with love and awe and empathy for Dean. With the tortured soul he rescued, the man he rebuild with his own hands, who was his in so many ways, who had challenged everything Cas was sure about, and still made him want more. More of the freedom that had cost him his family, his home and his old life.

It hurt to hear Dean’s anguish, to know how hard it was for him to even put these thoughts in words. And at the same time Cas’ grace sang with pure joy because Dean hadn’t given up on him.

“When I lost you before, when I saw you the last time, man, you don’t even know how much I wanted to lay it all out there. Guess I’m still too much of a coward for that, but maybe …”

Dean’s voice receded, and was replaced by images. He had never done that before, not as a conscious act anyway, and Cas was momentarily stunned. He saw himself through Dean’s eyes, in purgatory, when he had found Cas, going straight up to him and closing his arms around him while Cas could only stand there and clench his hands to fists.

Cas remembered well and clear how happy he was to see Dean again, and how at the same time he nearly couldn’t breathe with fear for him. The next image was later, in his headquarters, when Dean had hugged him again.

The picture changed, Cas could see them both from another perspective now. All the people and the room around them faded away.

 

They were alone, still embracing. But the air shifted. He knew this change in the atmosphere too well. The low and steady bond that connected him to Dean ever since that time in hell was always there, a constant reminder for Cas, a life line at times.

But then there were moments when this bond became alive and almost seemed to have a will of its own, pulling them together, sending sparks of electricity through him. Cas was pretty sure Dean felt it too, and he knew it made him uncomfortable.

It was like a cloud that took the warmth out of every time they got physically close. It made Cas fear these moments as much as he yearned for them, because being near Dean always meant being rejected by him too.

Right now he was starved for the little solace even an image send by Dean’s mind could give him, so he watched and watched while Dean showed him their embrace. Until … the Dean in his mind turned his head, softly putting his lips to Cas’ throat.

Cas’ mind needed a few seconds to catch on.

Dean send this to him.

Such a small movement, innocent to the eyes of nearly every other person. But for Cas, it felt like a world shifting, like a mountain of year-long longing crashing down and taking with it every wall he had built around his hopes and dreams.

“Hey Cas”, the voice in his head murmured while he saw Dean’s jaw working. “I don’t know if you can see this, but if you can, and you don’t want to see it, I really hope you can tune it out. I’m actually pretty sure you can ignore this if you want, otherwise I would not go there. But … at the moment I’m not sure if we ever see each other again. And I never … I was never brave enough. I need to think of something good right now and I’m guessing the same goes for you, so… yeah.”

The Dean in his mind took Cas’ head, his head, into his strong hands and looked into his eyes for long moments before he crashed their mouths together. All the soft and slow touches before seemed forgotten and turned into something fierce and desperate.

There was a wall behind his back and Dean shoved him against it, angling his head to kiss him deep. Dean was initiating this but the Cas he showed him wasn’t passive. He fisted Dean’s plaid shirt, trying to get him closer and kissed back with all he had.

Cas moaned at the sight. Oh yes, he would not hold anything back if this would ever happen.

Now Dean shoved his right thigh between Cas’ legs and curled his hips into him. Cas had never seen anything more arousing in his long existence. “Would you like that, Cas? Oh god, I want to feel you so bad”, he heard Dean say in his mind. And he groaned “yes”, although he knew Dean could not hear him.

His body started to respond, even after all Amara had put him through and after days in which he felt too weak to even acknowledge his situation. But now his heart started to pound in his chest and his breath hitched. He could feel himself filling in his loose suit pants, the muscles in his abdomen twitching.

He let his head fall back against the wall when Dean and Cas switched positions and Dean exposed his throat to Cas’ hungry mouth. Their lower bodies moved in sensual circles, providing and seeking friction.

Cas could only imagine how Dean would feel so close, what he would do. Dean seemed to think he would get restless – because his Cas began to peel away the layers in which Dean insisted to wrap his beautiful body in and then started to lower his hands, clearly going for the zipper of his jeans.

That seemed like a bold move, and the thought that this was something Dean wanted him to do, rushing things like that, made the image so much more arousing. He couldn’t wait for what Dean would show him next.

The angle changed, it was like he was getting closer to the scene. The other version of him had opened their pants and taken both their erections in his hand. Cas choked around the sound that the vivid image punched out of him. He sank lower in his ropes, not able to hold his weight for a moment.

Cas saw himself pushing his tongue deep into Dean’s mouth while he found a rhythm for his hand. Dean’s upper body was glistening with sweat, his hips stuttering up into Cas’ fist.

“Cas, yes, just like that.”

Dean put his own hand around Cas’ fist, setting a faster pace. Their kiss became a wet drag of lips, breathing the same air while moaning into each others mouths. It was messy and dirty and Cas never wanted anything more in his life.

The vision became blurry as if Dean, wherever he was, was trying and failing to hold onto the image. But Cas could fill in the gaps just fine. He saw them tensing up at the same time. Both their hands stopped as long stripes of semen landed on Dean’s chest, and they sank into each others arms, shivering.

 

Moments later Cas saw Dean cupping his face and looking at him with all the adoration Cas felt for him, too. Dean dropped a soft kiss on his lips, so tender and so full of emotion that Cas thought he could feel the brush of skin for real.

“I love you. I loved you for such a long time that I don’t know how it felt to not love you anymore. I was so sure you knew that, but now … Cas. Don’t ever doubt it again.”

Cas’ body still trembled with arousal while his heart nearly burst with emotion. Tears welled up in his eyes and streaked his face.

Between all the different feelings that threatened to drown him a surge of hope crashed through him like lightning and left behind only the will to fight – for Dean but also for himself, because this could not and sure as hell would not be the end of their story.

“I won’t”, he murmured. “I promise.”

 

* * *

Find me on [tumblr](https://procasdeanating.tumblr.com/).


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